Theme Park Feelings

Theme Park Feelings

Your husband gets on a roller coaster. You wait on the ground. You're fine waiting, people watching as life goes on, you might eat something, read your texts... fill time. He makes his way back to you, he is alive with energy, ready to run to the next ride!! Excited!!! You are still the way you were when he left. Quietly patiently waiting and now he is full-on and can't understand why you are so quiet.

Your daughter gets on a roller coaster. You wait on the ground. You're fine waiting, people watching as life goes on, you might eat something, read your texts... fill time. She walks back toward where you are sitting, her eyes are half-lowered, her walk is more of a stumble, she grabs the bench and wants to sit beside you but begs you not to talk. She needs your presence as she rights herself; your quiet being is enough.

Your son gets on a roller coaster. You wait on the ground. You know him so you wait while you imagine him throwing his hands up in the thrill of the ride, and ready yourself for his exuberance as he bounds back to you asking to go again. You are stunned as he walks back holding his head, tears brimming as he says he feels sick and yells "This ride is so stupid. I've never liked this ride. Who's idea was this anyway?"

Now you are in the car driving home.

Your husband talks about the speed and thrill of gravity and kinetic energy. Your daughter is crying; she doesn't want to think about the spinning. Your son is snapping about the air conditioning, the stupid snacks at the stupid park. Everyone is allowed to have their own experience, but mixing them is not a recipe for harmony.

You also rode the coaster. You haven't thought much about how you felt because you have been so busy managing everyone else's Theme Park Feelings. You suppressed your feelings of fear, nausea, and dizziness. Now, as a result of ignoring your own experience trying to manage everyone else's reaction, you hit a small bump in the road and completely unravel and start crying about almost dying in a car crash that didn't happen.

Everyone rode the same coaster. 

We can't change each other's experiences.

We can accept that we are all having unique experiences on the same roller coaster, and experiencing them at different times.
We can put ourselves in other's shoes, and try to imagine why his or her experience is important to them: it's their own.
We can respect that we can't predict how each other will react. This is a new ride and no one knows how it will affect us. 

We may all be on this ride together, but expecting similar reactions or predicting people's behaviours doesn't fit, and sets us up for disappointment.

What if instead, we gifted our loved ones more generous margins? 
Gave a wider berth?
Allowed for unpredictable and unique reactions?
Accepted.